My eldest daughter is beautiful. I say this not simply from a mother perspective but because it is true. The other day she exclaimed her excitement about the fact that she had been gaining weight. She is a perfectly lovely shape as it is but she explained to me the concept of "skinny shaming" in which girls and boys (specifically in middle school as that is where she is in life) give girls grief over being "too skinny". There are so many things wrong with this on so many different levels. I will not expound on the fact that it is ridiculous that with the rise of obesity in our culture we now "shame" people about being thin and fit; however, it got me thinking about the concept of shame.
Shame is one of those feelings that everyone feels at some point but no one likes to talk about. It is something that makes us feel wrong and dirty and in error deep in our very being. The Christian belief that "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9) is an oft-quoted truth. Too bad that truth is frequently forgotten among the members of the church. I think that we are coming into a new era of church "shaming" where members of the church are more open and obnoxious about the things that they believe others should be "ashamed" of.
Now if you've been around the church for any period of time you know that the people within its walls have always judged each other. It is simply a fact that when striving to live for the Lord many of us get a boost by comparing our spirituality to others and finding fault in order to make our spiritual lives appear superior. This is certainly not new, but I propose that in our current culture it is becoming more apparent and even more accepted within the church to publicly gossip, "shame" and judge other members of the church or members of our faith.
Our culture today is all about spitting out whatever runs through your head. It's verbal (or written) diarrhea of sorts. In a tell-all culture it was inevitable that this would seep into the church as well. Instead of quietly gossiping about others (still bad by the way) people now feel compelled to place the judgment right out there on Facebook or Twitter or any of the other social medias. I have seen the evidence of it and the irony holds that when I see these things laid out for the world to see...... I judge the person that did it.
There, I said it. I am equally guilty of feeling compelled to "shame" the person that felt compelled to "shame" others in a public forum. It is a self-perpetuating cycle. It angers me that in a place that is supposed to be about loving like God and following His will, people feel compelled to publicly "shame" other believers. The truly sad part is that these people feel completely justified in their behavior.
God has promised in His word that he forgives us and our sins are known by Him no more. Why do we are Christians feel compelled to keep pointing out what God has forgiven? It is not our place to bring shame on other believers. Ever. Seriously, even when coming to someone in love and pointing out an area of sin they may be unaware of, shame should NOT enter the picture. Yet it does. It is no wonder the Christian people don't share their struggles and their hurts when what they are likely to receive from other believers is Christian "shaming". I know that I have kept things to myself for that very reason and yet have been equally guilty of judging someone when they share a struggle. This is why believers have that "everything-is-fine-in-my-life-thanks-for-asking" mask, because if we were really honest about our struggles and sins we would get "shamed" for them.
Obviously I have work to do in this area as well, so I am by no means attempting to lay blame on others for bad behavior. I am not pointing out the speck in someone else's eye when clearly I have a log in my own. In thinking about Christian "shaming" I am convicted to be better. The first step towards changing unwanted behavior is acknowledging the problem and so I acknowledge my tendency towards judging others. I am talking with God about it and I trust that He will lead me to a better place about it. I know that I must pray, confess and try to identify each time this happens if I hope to change. And so I write, not to point fingers but to raise awareness that Christian "shaming" is real and it is sinful. Judging others for their sins is sinful.
So I challenge you to be more aware. Think about it this week and watch how prevalent it is. Don't be sucked in to participating either. Observe and break the cycle. The "shaming" will continue as long as people respond in kind. Don't let that be true of you.
Shame is one of those feelings that everyone feels at some point but no one likes to talk about. It is something that makes us feel wrong and dirty and in error deep in our very being. The Christian belief that "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9) is an oft-quoted truth. Too bad that truth is frequently forgotten among the members of the church. I think that we are coming into a new era of church "shaming" where members of the church are more open and obnoxious about the things that they believe others should be "ashamed" of.
Now if you've been around the church for any period of time you know that the people within its walls have always judged each other. It is simply a fact that when striving to live for the Lord many of us get a boost by comparing our spirituality to others and finding fault in order to make our spiritual lives appear superior. This is certainly not new, but I propose that in our current culture it is becoming more apparent and even more accepted within the church to publicly gossip, "shame" and judge other members of the church or members of our faith.
Our culture today is all about spitting out whatever runs through your head. It's verbal (or written) diarrhea of sorts. In a tell-all culture it was inevitable that this would seep into the church as well. Instead of quietly gossiping about others (still bad by the way) people now feel compelled to place the judgment right out there on Facebook or Twitter or any of the other social medias. I have seen the evidence of it and the irony holds that when I see these things laid out for the world to see...... I judge the person that did it.
There, I said it. I am equally guilty of feeling compelled to "shame" the person that felt compelled to "shame" others in a public forum. It is a self-perpetuating cycle. It angers me that in a place that is supposed to be about loving like God and following His will, people feel compelled to publicly "shame" other believers. The truly sad part is that these people feel completely justified in their behavior.
God has promised in His word that he forgives us and our sins are known by Him no more. Why do we are Christians feel compelled to keep pointing out what God has forgiven? It is not our place to bring shame on other believers. Ever. Seriously, even when coming to someone in love and pointing out an area of sin they may be unaware of, shame should NOT enter the picture. Yet it does. It is no wonder the Christian people don't share their struggles and their hurts when what they are likely to receive from other believers is Christian "shaming". I know that I have kept things to myself for that very reason and yet have been equally guilty of judging someone when they share a struggle. This is why believers have that "everything-is-fine-in-my-life-thanks-for-asking" mask, because if we were really honest about our struggles and sins we would get "shamed" for them.
Obviously I have work to do in this area as well, so I am by no means attempting to lay blame on others for bad behavior. I am not pointing out the speck in someone else's eye when clearly I have a log in my own. In thinking about Christian "shaming" I am convicted to be better. The first step towards changing unwanted behavior is acknowledging the problem and so I acknowledge my tendency towards judging others. I am talking with God about it and I trust that He will lead me to a better place about it. I know that I must pray, confess and try to identify each time this happens if I hope to change. And so I write, not to point fingers but to raise awareness that Christian "shaming" is real and it is sinful. Judging others for their sins is sinful.
So I challenge you to be more aware. Think about it this week and watch how prevalent it is. Don't be sucked in to participating either. Observe and break the cycle. The "shaming" will continue as long as people respond in kind. Don't let that be true of you.
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