This is my truth. Being divorced, twice no less, has made me a better mother for my children.
I know that sounds bad, but truth often does. For those who know me the news that I used to be a "doormat" usually comes with some kind of shock face. For those that don't, you would have to really know me now and contrast my current self with the weak, fearful, people-pleasing-at-any-cost, easily controlled former self. My first marriage was to an alcoholic, meth-addicted control freak. I was not allowed to see my friends, had to remain indoors, had to ask permission to see my family all while being fed a steady diet of "no-one-will-love-you-if-you-leave-me". It was debilitating. That, coupled with my complete lack of esteem in myself, set me up to be a very poor example for my daughter.
I finally got up the courage to leave. It took two years of head-to-head custody battles with attorneys on either side to win custody of my daughter with this man who controlled my every thought for so long. I became strong. I learned that I was capable of requiring respectful treatment and able to walk away when it was not received.
For my second marriage, I married a nice guy who happened to be a "party guy". My natural sense of responsibility and restraint were lost on him and for awhile I lost myself in the process (for I had never taken the time to truly discover who I was anyway). A child with him and a few months later, that too fell apart. This time I felt cast aside. I was called boring, ugly and no fun with a side of "I'd-rather-spend-time-with-strangers-than-you". I had learned from the first time, however, and I bounced back better.
According to God's perfect plan, family units were meant to contain a husband, wife and children. There are reasons for this. As a single mother I CANNOT be a father figure to my girls. I can't be a dad. It's not possible. I lack that ability. I CAN, however, provide them with a better mother in spite of my errors.
I know who I am now. I am fulfilled, not by men, but by the Lord. I am confident in the abilities God has given me and that together with Him, we will prevail whatever storms life throws at us. I know how to set personal boundaries, not be walked all over, and revel in who God made me to be. I can now talk to them about the importance of conflict resolution, requiring respect from dates, the importance of true Godly compatibility and the necessity of resilience. My girls now have a mom who is joyful, happy in who she is, and sure that God made me good enough.
God uses all things together for the good of those who love him and I am no exception. Could I have learned all these things while remaining married to one of my husbands? Perhaps. Likelihood? About nil. Was this God's PERFECT plan? Nope. But God doesn't make mistakes. I sure do, but he does not and all this worked out so that my children could have the mother God intended.
I know that sounds bad, but truth often does. For those who know me the news that I used to be a "doormat" usually comes with some kind of shock face. For those that don't, you would have to really know me now and contrast my current self with the weak, fearful, people-pleasing-at-any-cost, easily controlled former self. My first marriage was to an alcoholic, meth-addicted control freak. I was not allowed to see my friends, had to remain indoors, had to ask permission to see my family all while being fed a steady diet of "no-one-will-love-you-if-you-leave-me". It was debilitating. That, coupled with my complete lack of esteem in myself, set me up to be a very poor example for my daughter.
I finally got up the courage to leave. It took two years of head-to-head custody battles with attorneys on either side to win custody of my daughter with this man who controlled my every thought for so long. I became strong. I learned that I was capable of requiring respectful treatment and able to walk away when it was not received.
For my second marriage, I married a nice guy who happened to be a "party guy". My natural sense of responsibility and restraint were lost on him and for awhile I lost myself in the process (for I had never taken the time to truly discover who I was anyway). A child with him and a few months later, that too fell apart. This time I felt cast aside. I was called boring, ugly and no fun with a side of "I'd-rather-spend-time-with-strangers-than-you". I had learned from the first time, however, and I bounced back better.
According to God's perfect plan, family units were meant to contain a husband, wife and children. There are reasons for this. As a single mother I CANNOT be a father figure to my girls. I can't be a dad. It's not possible. I lack that ability. I CAN, however, provide them with a better mother in spite of my errors.
I know who I am now. I am fulfilled, not by men, but by the Lord. I am confident in the abilities God has given me and that together with Him, we will prevail whatever storms life throws at us. I know how to set personal boundaries, not be walked all over, and revel in who God made me to be. I can now talk to them about the importance of conflict resolution, requiring respect from dates, the importance of true Godly compatibility and the necessity of resilience. My girls now have a mom who is joyful, happy in who she is, and sure that God made me good enough.
God uses all things together for the good of those who love him and I am no exception. Could I have learned all these things while remaining married to one of my husbands? Perhaps. Likelihood? About nil. Was this God's PERFECT plan? Nope. But God doesn't make mistakes. I sure do, but he does not and all this worked out so that my children could have the mother God intended.
I agree I am a much better mother because God saved me from a marriage of death and fear. God has given me a second chance at being the kind of mother I always wanted to be. I am thankful every day the life that I am able to live now with my children and God as my Husband.
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