Why do people feel the need to involve themselves in other people's business? This pet peeve of mine is thrown into harsh perspective when I think of gossip within the church. I mean, really, you may expect this stuff in middle school (as my eldest will attest to daily) but in church? It's an unfortunate problem that occurs when people join together in close knit relationships based on a commonality that means that they spend inordinate amounts of time getting to know the inner workings of the members therein.
Of course, this is not inherently bad. Some of the best relationships can be forged through discussions of faith, weaknesses, challenges, and struggles. Sometimes the support given from people in these close knit groups is the best kind. The real kind. The kind that makes you understand the true meaning of unconditional love......... but sometimes it is just like those middle school hallways, a veritable minefield of drama oozing out of every crevice and the average church goer better be ware of the game or church drama will get them voted right off the island.
It is amazing to me how few people within the church follow the mandates related to confrontation and judgment. Confrontation is never fun (yeah, OK ..... maybe lawyers think so but I sure don't). But if you claim to have close fellowship with a member of your church and you have a disagreement or misunderstanding - as you surely will for church members prove daily that they are human - is it really that hard to speak to the person directly? Isn't that the very purpose of developing close relationships at church? So that you can talk with someone about something that may be hard or hurtful and know that based on your mutual beliefs that you will work it out or at least make it tolerable?
There is a real lack of this honest, hard, tricky communication in the church today. I get it. Really I do. It's not easy but you will never reap the full benefits of what a deep fellowship relationship can bring you if you can't have an honest, loving confrontation with someone. (I do realize that by the mere mention of the word confrontation it may scare the heck out of some people but it is not a bad thing. Really. It is a healthy thing.)
Then, you get into a situation where someone feels that you are doing something that is not Biblical or "right" in the eyes of God. Maybe it;s true. Maybe it's not. Fortunately the Bible tells us just how to handle it. You go directly to the person you have concerns with and confront them about it (with love remember?). See? God does confrontation. Jesus did it perfectly. If that doesn't work, the Word goes on to say; then you take another brother or sister with you to confront them, then maybe a pastor, then the congregation.
Too bad it usually begins as a rumor that circles the congregation rather than being a one-on-one conversation. Why do we feed into the drama? Why do we play the game? I don't know about you but that frustrates the living daylight out of me. I didn't sign up for "Survivor: Church Edition". Seriously. Deal with people directly or keep your trap shut. This is not middle school or any type of game show, it's people's lives that are being messed with.
While there are kids in the church, the adults should theoretically know better. Too bad many of us were never taught how to handle these things. That's why we have to work together guys! We have to band together to learn and fail and try again to create this fellowship where real trust and love and compassion can be shown! It's already hard to be in close relationship with someone. Anyone really. It takes work, inevitably, and as much as we would all like to believe that it is effortless it is not. The church today is in desperate need of some conflict resolution skills. Myself included. I wonder how many people realize how desperately important this is? Would people come together for the express purpose of learning how to create deeper relationships? I would cry, rage and laugh my way through a class like that and you know what? It would make me better. There is not a soul alive who couldn't benefit from some education in that area.
That said, I realize that I have no control over what other people do. I don't. I'm glad I get to leave that to the Lord. My only responsibility is to Him and that's what I will be focusing on. So, ya'll go ahead and have your rumor mill, gossiping over whatever scandal has been cooked up this week. I'll be over here. Living for Jesus.
Of course, this is not inherently bad. Some of the best relationships can be forged through discussions of faith, weaknesses, challenges, and struggles. Sometimes the support given from people in these close knit groups is the best kind. The real kind. The kind that makes you understand the true meaning of unconditional love......... but sometimes it is just like those middle school hallways, a veritable minefield of drama oozing out of every crevice and the average church goer better be ware of the game or church drama will get them voted right off the island.
It is amazing to me how few people within the church follow the mandates related to confrontation and judgment. Confrontation is never fun (yeah, OK ..... maybe lawyers think so but I sure don't). But if you claim to have close fellowship with a member of your church and you have a disagreement or misunderstanding - as you surely will for church members prove daily that they are human - is it really that hard to speak to the person directly? Isn't that the very purpose of developing close relationships at church? So that you can talk with someone about something that may be hard or hurtful and know that based on your mutual beliefs that you will work it out or at least make it tolerable?
There is a real lack of this honest, hard, tricky communication in the church today. I get it. Really I do. It's not easy but you will never reap the full benefits of what a deep fellowship relationship can bring you if you can't have an honest, loving confrontation with someone. (I do realize that by the mere mention of the word confrontation it may scare the heck out of some people but it is not a bad thing. Really. It is a healthy thing.)
Then, you get into a situation where someone feels that you are doing something that is not Biblical or "right" in the eyes of God. Maybe it;s true. Maybe it's not. Fortunately the Bible tells us just how to handle it. You go directly to the person you have concerns with and confront them about it (with love remember?). See? God does confrontation. Jesus did it perfectly. If that doesn't work, the Word goes on to say; then you take another brother or sister with you to confront them, then maybe a pastor, then the congregation.
Too bad it usually begins as a rumor that circles the congregation rather than being a one-on-one conversation. Why do we feed into the drama? Why do we play the game? I don't know about you but that frustrates the living daylight out of me. I didn't sign up for "Survivor: Church Edition". Seriously. Deal with people directly or keep your trap shut. This is not middle school or any type of game show, it's people's lives that are being messed with.
While there are kids in the church, the adults should theoretically know better. Too bad many of us were never taught how to handle these things. That's why we have to work together guys! We have to band together to learn and fail and try again to create this fellowship where real trust and love and compassion can be shown! It's already hard to be in close relationship with someone. Anyone really. It takes work, inevitably, and as much as we would all like to believe that it is effortless it is not. The church today is in desperate need of some conflict resolution skills. Myself included. I wonder how many people realize how desperately important this is? Would people come together for the express purpose of learning how to create deeper relationships? I would cry, rage and laugh my way through a class like that and you know what? It would make me better. There is not a soul alive who couldn't benefit from some education in that area.
That said, I realize that I have no control over what other people do. I don't. I'm glad I get to leave that to the Lord. My only responsibility is to Him and that's what I will be focusing on. So, ya'll go ahead and have your rumor mill, gossiping over whatever scandal has been cooked up this week. I'll be over here. Living for Jesus.
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