Have you ever thought about what your spiritual gifting is? I have read about these spiritual gifts for the majority of my life and have frequently felt disconnected from them. I Corinthians 12 gives us a whole list of things that God has chosen to impart to different individuals (so if you haven't read about them you should do that).
I have heard people speak passionately about God's will for them and where they feel their spiritual gifting lies and you know what? I'm jealous. I know that I shouldn't be but I really am. I have sensed the Lord's leading in my life a few times. I have never had a compelling knowledge of what His will is for me. I have had others tell me what they believe my spiritual gift to be (and since it is inevitably the same gift people mention I assume they all can't be wrong).
I have been told that I have the gift of faith, that I am faithful. Perhaps I am too close to the woods to see the trees but I just don't see it as strongly as they do. I believe God whole-heartedly and I do have faith in Him. It doesn't seem like extraordinary faith. It's just faith.
I don't know if anyone else has ever struggled with this but I have for my entire spiritual life. I seek. I pray. I sense a leading sometimes but for most of the time I really don't feel much of anything compelling me anywhere. God has blessed me beyond measure and yet I feel like I still run my own life too much because I just don't have the faintest idea where God wants me to go.
For a girl who doesn't cry (except on cue for certain worship songs and movie moments) the thought that I may go through my entire earthly life never truly knowing the will of God for me breaks my heart and brings tears flowing down my face. This CAN'T be it! It can't be true that I will seek His face for the rest of my days never knowing what he wants from me.
It pains me to share this. It really does. And so, I will declare against the pain. I refuse to accept this dire prognosis of silence from my Lord. He will guide my steps. I will still seek His face and by His grace I will know that I have followed His leading wherever that may be. Believe with me my friends. God's will WILL be revealed to me that I may boldly step up and follow my Savior. And I pray that it will be so and for you as well, my faceless comrades, that you will desire His will above all else in your life and that when you ask, you will clearly hear His answer.
I have felt that way too many times. But two things I have found to be true lately. One is that I have the same plan as all of God's creation. I was created to glorify Him. As humans, God created us to be holy worshipers of Him. Our ultimate life calling is to seek holiness in this life on earth, and to be brought into the fullness of that calling in heaven. What is holiness? Matthew Kelly, the author of the book "Rediscover Catholicism: A Spiritual Guide to Living with Passion & Purpose," said it like this: "Holiness is the goal of the Christian Life." How do you live a holy life? "In any moment when you surrender to the will of God and choose to be the-best-version-of-yourself, you are holy. Any moment that you grasp as an opportunity to exercise virtue is a holy moment. But as quickly as this holiness can be found, it can be lost because in any moment that you choose to be less that the-best-version-of-yourself, you have become distracted from living a holy life. This is what it means to be striving for holiness, to be continually answering God's invitation to grasp moments of our life and allow God to use them to transform us into all He has created us to be."
ReplyDeleteThat is where you get people talking about taking the garbage out as if taking it out for the Lord. If you take the garbage out for the Lord, you will do it the best that you can and in so doing become the best-version-of-yourself, or holy. This is a weird concept for me, but I have begun to see more and more times throughout the day where I am praying for God to help me be holy. To work as if my work is for the Lord. It is not easy, but I have been given so much peace in knowing that this is my purpose. To live a holy life. And I do not have to be a missionary or give all my money to the poor in order to live a holy life. Its not just that, I can live a holy life while going to work and earning money to provide for my family and offer my work to the Lord as work for Him not just man.
The second major thing that I have found true for my life is that God has not given me a grand plan for the rest of my life. Sometimes I don't even get a grand plan for the day! Let alone my life. But God does provide wisdom and guidance as needed, and as I ask for it. I don't think everyone knows exactly what God's plan is for their life. And God does not have a huge leaving the country to minister to strangers, or bringing tons of people to faith in Christ type of plan for every single person. Just because that's not His plan so far for me doesn't make me less of a servant to Him. It doesn't mean that I'm useless or just not understanding or hearing His plan. He gives me moments, or glimpses of what decision I should make. It's not a clear plan. But I have made peace with not knowing the full plan. I love to plan my own life. And I get in a funk when my plans are messed up and I have to reconfigure everything. But lately, I have gotten so much peace knowing that God is taking care of it. I just have to keep seeking His guidance on important decisions and keep asking for His help so I can live a holy life. How do I live today, this moment, with this thought, in a holy way for God?
The point is, God may not tell you His whole plan all at once. And I wouldn't want you to get caught up searching and waiting to hear His plan, and miss the opportunities you have TODAY to glorify Him and live a holy life. You may or may not know His whole plan, because it may be a putting together of holy moments where he uses you to bless others and live out the love of Christ by being the-best-version-of-yourself to them. No matter if He gives you the whole plan some day or not, remember that there are opportunities every day to glorify God. It may seem small or insignificant, or even weird (taking out the trash, really?). But it's what we are called to do. I pray that God will give you peace in your soul and that you will be a tune to His will in your life, even if it only comes in little tiny moments.