I have been experiencing a season in my spiritual walk for which a definition has eluded me. I feel very strongly that I am in a "waiting period" and have been focusing my spiritual time around Psalm 62, which states "I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken" (Psalm 62:1-2 NLT).
Along with this sense of waiting I have been receiving messages through church, Bible study and my personal reading about the essence of faith and why waiting on God can be so hard. You want to know what's funny? I don't know yet what I am waiting for. And quite frankly, that makes me feel....... I don't know. Anxious is not really the right word, nor fearful either. For God knows the plan he has for me.
During this time of quiet and learning I have been reading a book that is changing my life. There are many books that I, as a voracious reader, have devoured; there are many books that have touched me deeply. This book is so very beyond that that it is hard to compare it to anything else, save the Word of the Lord, that has so profoundly changed my perspective on my life, my faith and the way I choose to live day in and day out.
It's called "An Unhurried Life" by Alan Fadling. I will not quote it here for it will never do justice for the words that Mr. Fadling has written. I truly believe that God is using the words in this book to open my eyes anew to what God wants for me.
The premise of this book is that we, as believers, should follow Jesus' pattern of work and rest. I really can't stop gushing enough about this book. PLEASE do yourself a favor, take some time out of your busy day and learn why the fact that you think you are too busy to read a book that could change your life, is a real problem of faith.
But, anyway, back to my waiting. I am really uncertain how I feel about it. I don't yet know the purpose for the "shoring up" I feel that I am receiving in my faith. I wonder sometimes if it has to do with work. Other days I wonder if it has to do with my being single (an incredibly likely fact). Sometimes I want to ask God and sometimes I don't. I wonder why, at times, I am afraid to hear His perfect plan for me and I think it is because, deep down, I don't want it to be too difficult. I don't want to ask God if I will ever find a man who will love me and be God's best for me. What if He says no? I don't want to hear that I will lose everything I have worked so hard for. I don't want to hear that something will happen to one of my children.
And yet, all these things are earthly. Temporal. Vanishing mist. And that knowledge doesn't stop me from wondering at all.
Lord, this is my plea, I don't know what you have in store for me; but I know that you will be there. That may not mean it will be easy and it may not really be hard. It will be life. This place on earth that I am inhabiting for just a moment is not what I am living for. Whatever your will, grant me the extra measure of whatever it is that I need to honor you on my journey. I may not win. I may not live through it, but I am yours now and forever. Amen.
Along with this sense of waiting I have been receiving messages through church, Bible study and my personal reading about the essence of faith and why waiting on God can be so hard. You want to know what's funny? I don't know yet what I am waiting for. And quite frankly, that makes me feel....... I don't know. Anxious is not really the right word, nor fearful either. For God knows the plan he has for me.
During this time of quiet and learning I have been reading a book that is changing my life. There are many books that I, as a voracious reader, have devoured; there are many books that have touched me deeply. This book is so very beyond that that it is hard to compare it to anything else, save the Word of the Lord, that has so profoundly changed my perspective on my life, my faith and the way I choose to live day in and day out.
It's called "An Unhurried Life" by Alan Fadling. I will not quote it here for it will never do justice for the words that Mr. Fadling has written. I truly believe that God is using the words in this book to open my eyes anew to what God wants for me.
The premise of this book is that we, as believers, should follow Jesus' pattern of work and rest. I really can't stop gushing enough about this book. PLEASE do yourself a favor, take some time out of your busy day and learn why the fact that you think you are too busy to read a book that could change your life, is a real problem of faith.
But, anyway, back to my waiting. I am really uncertain how I feel about it. I don't yet know the purpose for the "shoring up" I feel that I am receiving in my faith. I wonder sometimes if it has to do with work. Other days I wonder if it has to do with my being single (an incredibly likely fact). Sometimes I want to ask God and sometimes I don't. I wonder why, at times, I am afraid to hear His perfect plan for me and I think it is because, deep down, I don't want it to be too difficult. I don't want to ask God if I will ever find a man who will love me and be God's best for me. What if He says no? I don't want to hear that I will lose everything I have worked so hard for. I don't want to hear that something will happen to one of my children.
And yet, all these things are earthly. Temporal. Vanishing mist. And that knowledge doesn't stop me from wondering at all.
Lord, this is my plea, I don't know what you have in store for me; but I know that you will be there. That may not mean it will be easy and it may not really be hard. It will be life. This place on earth that I am inhabiting for just a moment is not what I am living for. Whatever your will, grant me the extra measure of whatever it is that I need to honor you on my journey. I may not win. I may not live through it, but I am yours now and forever. Amen.
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