Can a single woman ever be platonic friends with a single man?
No.
What about a single woman and a married or committed man?
Depends on how committed he is.
Sound harsh? That's what I was told when I explained my hard-fought discovery of the truth of female/male friendships. I know that people would like to think things like, "Oh yeah, I can be platonic friends with my ex, it's no big deal". Yeah......... when does that EVER lead to a healthy place? I'm gonna go with never.... Now before you run out and prove me wrong, just give me a moment to state my case.
There are many, many times that one party of the friendship will believe that the relationship is completely platonic. But it rarely goes both ways. If one member of the friendship is in a healthy, committed relationship and the other party feels only platonic feelings, then it is perhaps possible. You cannot remain close, deep friends with someone you were once intimate with and I think that it's high time that we put a stop to this rubbish that you are a better person if you can remain friends. I have been told, quite plainly, that it is not kind to cut people out of your life....... this is usually coming from someone who is currently complaining about all the drama a relationship like this is bringing them when they just don't have the balls to end the relationship for good (and I would say that I do not feel inclined to take said advice from such an individual).
I think it entirely possible to "cut" someone out of your life/social circle while still maintaining Godly love for that individual. It is not a matter of being kind or mean. There are people who have passed through my life that are no longer healthy for me to be around. People I was once intimate with, friends that used to get me high, acquaintances that used to sway me from my Christian beliefs. These were not healthy relationships. When you do not HAVE to have a relationship with someone and the relationship is unhealthy there is nothing ungodly about ending it. There are the obvious situations where you need to remain in contact but even there the contact can be framed from a new place that acknowledges the past but places firm boundaries around the future of the relationship and so it can attempt to move forward in a healthy way.
If you think it is ungodly to "cut" people out of your life, take a look as just one of the verses that mentions friendship here in Proverbs 22:24-25 (NLT) "Keep away from angry, short-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul".
For myself, I focus on enriching the network of relationships that encourage, strengthen and challenge me to meet my goals and to be who God called me to be. I have found that male friendship (with extremely few exceptions) are not a part of this network. I cannot be close friends with a male who is single (it is inevitable that it will get complicated - I found out many, many times). I CAN be friends with a male who is in a committed relationship provided I am also friends with his spouse/partner. I would not spend time with said committed male alone. No sir. Inappropriate. I would not be Facebook friends with only the male counterpart of said relationship.
Think I'm taking it a bit far? I prefer, instead, to reference scripture. Ephesians 5:3 (NIV) states "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people." (And if you want to read about true Godly boundaries read 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15).
As a single woman I prefer to just steer really clear of any type of behavior that would make another woman think that I'm out to swipe her man-goods. No way! Not just because I don't want a beat down from a jealous significant other, but because I am called to a higher standard of behavior. I am called to be truly pure. I don't even want to hint at any unseemly behavior and you know what? Since I made this rule for myself? SOOOOO much less drama (not that I was man-stealing before, but simply the act of removing questionable relationships from my life was so liberating). I don't want these things to encumber my walk with the Lord. I have enough stress in my life without keeping relationships that cause hurt simply so I don't appear "mean". There is more to this topic of course, but I'm pretty sure that I have rambled enough for now. I hope that perhaps this has made you at least question your motives for hanging onto relationships that perhaps should be let go of. Pray on it. It's all I ask.
No.
What about a single woman and a married or committed man?
Depends on how committed he is.
Sound harsh? That's what I was told when I explained my hard-fought discovery of the truth of female/male friendships. I know that people would like to think things like, "Oh yeah, I can be platonic friends with my ex, it's no big deal". Yeah......... when does that EVER lead to a healthy place? I'm gonna go with never.... Now before you run out and prove me wrong, just give me a moment to state my case.
There are many, many times that one party of the friendship will believe that the relationship is completely platonic. But it rarely goes both ways. If one member of the friendship is in a healthy, committed relationship and the other party feels only platonic feelings, then it is perhaps possible. You cannot remain close, deep friends with someone you were once intimate with and I think that it's high time that we put a stop to this rubbish that you are a better person if you can remain friends. I have been told, quite plainly, that it is not kind to cut people out of your life....... this is usually coming from someone who is currently complaining about all the drama a relationship like this is bringing them when they just don't have the balls to end the relationship for good (and I would say that I do not feel inclined to take said advice from such an individual).
I think it entirely possible to "cut" someone out of your life/social circle while still maintaining Godly love for that individual. It is not a matter of being kind or mean. There are people who have passed through my life that are no longer healthy for me to be around. People I was once intimate with, friends that used to get me high, acquaintances that used to sway me from my Christian beliefs. These were not healthy relationships. When you do not HAVE to have a relationship with someone and the relationship is unhealthy there is nothing ungodly about ending it. There are the obvious situations where you need to remain in contact but even there the contact can be framed from a new place that acknowledges the past but places firm boundaries around the future of the relationship and so it can attempt to move forward in a healthy way.
If you think it is ungodly to "cut" people out of your life, take a look as just one of the verses that mentions friendship here in Proverbs 22:24-25 (NLT) "Keep away from angry, short-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul".
For myself, I focus on enriching the network of relationships that encourage, strengthen and challenge me to meet my goals and to be who God called me to be. I have found that male friendship (with extremely few exceptions) are not a part of this network. I cannot be close friends with a male who is single (it is inevitable that it will get complicated - I found out many, many times). I CAN be friends with a male who is in a committed relationship provided I am also friends with his spouse/partner. I would not spend time with said committed male alone. No sir. Inappropriate. I would not be Facebook friends with only the male counterpart of said relationship.
Think I'm taking it a bit far? I prefer, instead, to reference scripture. Ephesians 5:3 (NIV) states "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people." (And if you want to read about true Godly boundaries read 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15).
As a single woman I prefer to just steer really clear of any type of behavior that would make another woman think that I'm out to swipe her man-goods. No way! Not just because I don't want a beat down from a jealous significant other, but because I am called to a higher standard of behavior. I am called to be truly pure. I don't even want to hint at any unseemly behavior and you know what? Since I made this rule for myself? SOOOOO much less drama (not that I was man-stealing before, but simply the act of removing questionable relationships from my life was so liberating). I don't want these things to encumber my walk with the Lord. I have enough stress in my life without keeping relationships that cause hurt simply so I don't appear "mean". There is more to this topic of course, but I'm pretty sure that I have rambled enough for now. I hope that perhaps this has made you at least question your motives for hanging onto relationships that perhaps should be let go of. Pray on it. It's all I ask.
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